The rest of the work is very detailed and should involve both individual and group treatment for optimal results. These cases fall into the category of Anger Management and Domestic Violence. These cases involve time to correct. New neurological pathways have to be developed while the old ones [that compel you to fight] must be weakened. This is what the therapy is about and usually the treatment involves working individually with each member of the couple and
Fighting Addictions: Couples that can’t seem to stop fighting have a ‘Fighting Addiction’. Fighting addictions are predicated upon several factors. Often when there is fighting addiction there is underlying trauma caused by being exposed to unhealthy parental or sibling relationships in childhood. Here you witnessed your parents fighting, or you had an alcoholic parent, or there was worse. The possibility of abuse at the hands of an angry sibling can also be cause. Always these conditions result from a paucity of loving feelings in childhood coupled with family dysfunctionality. Also people who have a fighting addiction do not know how to get close to anyone in a loving way. Fighting becomes the only method of contact. Often with fighting addictions there is also substance abuse. Alcohol and cannabis, also cocaine, ignite anger. So here the treatment is to help the couple establish ‘time outs’ and to carefully examine their thirst for fighting; how difficult it is to resist.
Erectile Dysfunction: If this condition is unrelated to physiological causes it can be dealt with through therapy. All patients who present with this problem are first referred for a medical review. If the results prove to be negative a careful diagnostic picture is developed and an etiological picture ascertained. This condition usually takes up to one year to correct. During this time medical assistance can be employed so that you are able to perform while the treatment addresses the cause of the problem.
Panic Disorder: People who have a panic disorder are in the business of getting rid of their feelings. “I don’t want to feel this, I shouldn’t be angry at that…”, and so forth. This leads to a buildup of feelings in the unconscious. The unconscious can hold only a certain quantum of feelings before it ‘explodes’ like a pressure cooker. This is what happens with a panic attack. The Treatment: Help you to get comfortable with all the feelings you have been pushing away and learn to verbalize and learn from these feelings. The result: no more panic attacks; ever!
Claustrophobia, Agoraphobia, Social Phobia: These phobias all relate to problems involving yourself in interpersonal relationships. As it is with the isolated patient so it is with the phobias. Too much isolation and usually underlying trauma from childhood. These conditions need to be carefully assessed before a treatment plan is designed however there is hope. All are subject to remediation.
then putting each into a separate group. Here learning how to communicate at a caring, emotional level is enhanced. For most addictive fighters learning how to love is an entirely new experience.
Impulse Control Disorders: These disorders run the gamut of porno-escort addictions, philandering, anger management and domestic violence patterns. These behaviors are often a passive-aggressive expression of anger especially philandering, and porno-escort addictions. Problems with control of anger and violent acting-out more correctly fall in the Anger Management category. These conditions are best treated with a combination of insight oriented individual therapy and group treatment. Often, men and women who have extramarital relations are expressing anger at their partner in indirect form.
Please look through these pages and identify the area[s] that most relate to your problem. See if you feel like I am addressing what you are looking for:
Anxiety Disorder: Anxiety can be understood when you listen to it. I will show you how to listen to your anxiety instead of trying to push it away or get rid of it. Anxiety is always trying to tell you something about the way you are running your life. My job is to help you learn the meaning of your anxiety and to let it take you to a greater depth of understanding. This is very different approach from what most people would expect. Most people expect the therapist to help them do away with their anxiety and there are therapists that can do this. By temporarily removing your anxiety you miss the opportunity to more deeply understand yourself, you prevent maturation and create a vacant space where there can be evolution of your consciousness.
Depression: Often feelings of depression are, as with anxiety, trying to tell you something. It becomes my job to help you understand what’s being said. Here again, the attempt is to get you to embrace the depression not to get rid of it. In cases of severe depression medication may be necessary in order to work through and fully understand the cause. As this process sophisticates the medication is slowly reduced until it is no longer needed.
Another possibility: Depression can also be caused by repressed or unexpressed anger. This needs to be determined after careful diagnosis. This applies to you if you are depressed and you also have a problem expressing anger [either not at all, or too impulsively or explosively and therefore inappropriately].
Mood Disorders [Manic or Bipolar]: This occurs as a result of staying away from a powerful feeling or groups of feelings…usually anger. Also, the bipolar or manic personality is often afraid of intimate contact and has impoverished relationships; few or none. This is usually related to unconscious trauma from an earlier time in life. This can be treated with or without medication. If medication is used it is used only temporarily as an adjunct to the therapy. When the desired result is achieved the medication is slowly eliminated.
Isolation and Impoverished relationships: Spending too much by yourself can lead to symptoms of depression and paranoia. Let me help you get out of this rut. I specialize in working with this type of problem through a combination of individual and eventually group therapy. The process can be fun and energizing. Not to be afraid.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorders: Almost always the OCD patient has a problem with, or an adversion to, anger. If you are OCD then the chances are you have an anger problem and you also tend to be isolated from people while fearful of relationships. So here the treatment involves helping you get comfortable with your angry feelings while working with your isolation tendencies. Here a combination of individual and group therapy is very effective in modifying this condition and it can be fun.
Addictions: Here is an area that I have great interest in. it is a proven fact that you cannot do effective psychotherapy while there is an addiction that is active. Addictions put to sleep a part or several parts of the personality. These parts of the personality will stay asleep unless the addiction is addressed. By entering sobriety the therapy takes a path of it’s own as these parts of the personality wake up. As this occurs it is my job to alert you to these new personality structures. As they integrate you will become stronger and more actualized. It is impossible for these unconscious characters to wake up without entering sobriety. I will help you attain sobriety, sometimes with the help of AA, so when these feelings and characters emerge you will no longer need the substance abuse [alcohol, cannabis, food, etc.] to put these feelings to sleep. Addiction cured; personality strengthened.
Anorexia: Falls into a different and more complicated category that goes beyond, but includes addiction. Here special consideration must be given to the individual and their particular relationship to the eating disorder. In most cases, which are mainly female, the anorexic is usually very talented and bright, often spiritual. Careful consideration must be given to the sensitivity of this disorder since it can be life threatening. The depth and specific meaning of the illness needs to be understood and carefully worked with. For this reason I always work with an Adjunct Psychiatrist and have access to hospitalization procedures when and if necessary.
Somatoform Disorders: These are actual physical conditions that may be caused by poor psychological circulation. Poor psychological circulation means that one is not in touch with the natural flow of their feelings. Feelings have their own integrity and should not be controlled, repressed or suppressed. When this happens, and we all tend to do it, there results a symptom picture. When one pushes away feelings, eventually, the unconscious pays back with a symptom or a series of symptoms. This pushing away of feelings leads to poor circulation and this can cause a somatoform disorder [if one is genetically predisposed]. Somatoform disorders often fall into the category of autoimmune deficiency disorders [which include, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis, Stage I Diabetes, high blood pressure and more…see American Autoimmune related Diseases Association.com for more examples]. Here the treatment is to help you locate and get in touch with all the feelings you are pushing away. When this process goes into effect psychological circulation improves and the symptoms begin to abate. It is also imperative that regular exercise is included in the treatment. If one has a good physical circulation then my job of improving you psychological circulation is facilitated.
Couples Counseling's and Divorce Prevention: As a Couples Counselor I make it clear to my patients that I do not favor divorce when there are children involved. I try to help you find a way to stay together by carefully having you examine, both of you, your part of the problem. I have had the experience as a Couples Counselor that if both people want to make the relationship work, and are ready to work hard doing this, the relationship can survive. Statistics indicate that the divorce rate in this country nears 60%. That means that nearly 60% of all marriages fail. The rate is higher for second and third marriages. Why? Because of unconscious conflict, addictions to fighting, difficulty loving and reluctance to give up idealized fantasies of how relationships should be. How does this affect the children? I have seen adults who were children from divorced families that always have problems with relationships, trust and security. For this reason I attempt to wake my couples up to fact: “you have to grow up!” give up your childhood fantasies of what a marriage should be like and face the reality of your current marriage and your children. I have had the experience of seeing several marriages saved because the people I worked with were of good character and wanted to save their family and were ready and willing to work hard to get this done.
When separation may be the best solution: When there are severe addictions, including Domestic Violence, my position would be to establish safety for the abused spouse and the child[ren]. Here the situation requires careful examination and the enlistment of Child Protective Services and Family Court. Couples that reach this level of conflict are traumatizing the children. Here it may better serve the child, or children, to be in a less chaotic and dangerous environment. Providing the substance abusing, and/or fighting addicted spouse, is willing to enter sobriety and serious individual therapy then this could be a positive determinant for resuming couples work.
Counseling with unmarried couples: With couples that are not married we have a different story. Here the loss is not as great as it is with a couple that has children. Because of this the treatment takes its own course depending upon the goals that the couple has. I have also counseled newly met couples through Matchmaking Inkorporated. Here I advise couples about the potential problems they may face if the relationship continues. Giving them a ‘heads up’ for future problems gives them a chance to work on the relationship with my help, or with the help of an affiliate therapist, before destructive and repetitive patterns fall into place. This I refer to as ‘preventative counseling’.
With unmarried couples that need help in making their relationship more palatable I help each see their part in problems. If there are deep seated personality issues indiviul, depth oriented and group treatment is indicated. After some time with separate therapy couples work is reintroduced. After both parties have undergone depth oriented work they can approach the relationship in an entirely different way because they now have an awareness about themselves that was before unconscious.
Development of Personal Power in Men and Women: Most people who seek psychotherapy complain about and report feelings of ineffectiveness. There are different ways to help you attain personal power. I can help you get there. I do this by helping you become who you were meant to be by orientating you towards your power and strength. This has been a specialty of mine for several years. I marvel at the results achieved by my patients as they start to feel a deep sense of personal power. This is accomplished along similar lines mentioned before where I help you begin to listen to your emotions and allow them to guide you. Along the way there are specific emotional complexes that empower men and women in a very unique way. In both cases we are working at the archetypallevel. I will be glad to explain this to you upon meeting and upon my analysis of who you are and how you are constituted.
Self-Destructive Relationships: These relationships are ear marked by the repetitiveness of the destructive behavior. You may notice that the same patterns seem to occur with all of your relationships. This is a self destructive pattern deeply embedded in your unconscious which compels you to repeat the same behaviors again and again. Here there is overlap with the fighting addictions mentioned above. This enigma in interpersonal relations needs to be treated through in depth psychotherapy. Through this method you will be helped to see why you are re-enacting, or why you keep finding partners who will help you reenact, these destructive patterns. This is a process I often observe when couples come into therapy for the first time. All amenable to modification if you are ready to work hard.
Dissociative Disorders: What is Dissociative Disorders? This is when you unexpectedly become disoriented and/or confused when with people or even when you are alone. Often there is a feeling of spaciness, weakness and feeling ‘in your head’. Some people who have this experience believe there is something physiologically wrong with them, seek medical help and find nothing. This condition is caused by being too removed from emotions, being out-of-the-body and thus too removed from one’s identity. This condition can be treated over time with lasting results. If left alone it can get worse and lead to severe paranoia, obsessive thoughts and sometimes somatoform conditions. This is potentially a serious condition. Please don’t delay in getting help.
Sleep problems center around: (a) Difficulty getting to sleep; (b) Difficulty staying asleep; and (c) difficulty getting back to sleep
Sleep disorders when not caused by physiological factors, and this must be ruled out before therapy begins, are usually related to the following conditions:
Depression: This can involve ruminating over events of the day such as job loss, recurrent relationship failure etc. The point here is that these are problems that you are avoiding dealing with during the day so they wake you up at night.
Anxiety: This occurs psychologically when the ego[that part of us that knows who we are, where we live, what time it is, etc.] tries to go to sleep. When the ego goes to sleep it loses its defensive capacity [the ability to suppress feeling or ideas]. So, when the ego's defenses are relaxed all the emotional material that was keep out of awareness during the day floods the ego and wakes you up. The treatment here is to help you discover what you have been avoiding and then help you deal with it. Once this is done, and this is not a quick operation, normal sleep can return.
Manic Depressive Illness: This condition can cause a sleep disorder and needs therapeutic intervention. A manic syndrome may not be identifiable to the manic person because it feels so good to be high. Best to get diagnosed so the problem can be treated. Along with the sleep disorder.
Court Mandated Therapist
I am available to work with the following Court Mandated and Court related cases:
POLICE AND LAW ENFORCEMENT: Here I work very closely with law enforcement especially with Law Enforcement Officers. Usually NYPD and affiliated police prefer to avoid therapy because of the stigma attached. Often when therapy is avoided other problems emerge such as over use of alcohol and Anger Management problems. My position is that Law Enforcement Personel are grossly under-served and need psychological intervention to assist with the very demanding and anxiety producing services that they perform for our citizens. I invite you to come in and let's talk. I am a big fan of Law Enforcement especially since I work with the Court Systems as a Mandated Therapist.